flustered today

doesn’t seem fair. life isn’t. shouldn’t expect to be on it everyday. today i am all over the place. simple mistakes chock me like a nouse would. i am tired of feeling lost. i wish that everything would make sense inside my mind. its troublesome and tiring being lost all the time. i dont know myself or trust myself and it is a scary thing to live with.

enough. worrier to warrior.

be the fight that never happened with my father. be the angry that i wish i could tell him. tell him that i am lost and forget everything – no memory of my childhood haunts me. no memory of teen years since i was in surrival mode. enough is enough.

the fight is on-going and it is not easy. my support is there but absent on a daily. sensing the resentment is strong and distrust is lethal.

the blood streams from my eyes in this one.

i can’t breathe and feel the better life is after this fight…. that never ends.

point being, my angel is here and i am not. i fear this disorder will criple me to the point of no return.

doesn’t it seem right to rip a child away from a parent. never. but it happens everyday in my thoughts.

alone and empty is the strongest feeling i have ever felt. i should be love and contemptment. i am striving for enlightment to find myself.

compassion and empthy pain me and it is the only way out. mercy on me.. please.

god, have the guidance handy day to day as you have always.

be the light to guides me to the nivana i seek.