borderline between emotional & logical realities

chapter one let’s start in the middle. sometimes, when the wind blows it destroys. i’ve found the pain that simmers in my gut. the fear of waking at 2:00 am and not being able to save myself… or him again. death in sleep is expected. but let’s be logical, shall we? my reality is bleak.…

In Retrospect

dear dad

dear dad, its been a while. do you feel me? the pain that i live? doesn’t it hurt you like it hurts me? wish you could have reached the nirvana you seek. mistakes, addictions, disorders and labels aside… i miss you. i would give almost anything to be with you. i never said goodbye. i…

In Retrospect

Chapter 2

I was thinking about superheros and how… they all thypically have some sort of mental disorder. no judgements here. Batman seems to be one that is a classic borderline personality with possible egotistic issues mixed in. I relate to Ms. Harley Quinn. Seems she was traumatized almost as bad as Batman as a young child/adult.…

In Retrospect

brought the needle

brought the needle you brought the needle & i brought the thread. we meant to mend our two broken hearts, but we ended up stitching them together.

In Retrospect

the madness + rollercoaster

I’ve been havin’ dreams Jumpin’ on a trampoline Flippin’ in the air I never land, just float there As I’m looking up Suddenly the sky erupts Flames alight the trees Spread to fallin’ leaves Now they’re right upon me Wait if I’m on fire How am I so deep in love? When I dream of…

In Retrospect

addiction + rebirth + legend

legend. i will be…. Take a look around me Taking pages from a magazine Been looking for the answers Ever since I was thirteen You know the truth can be a weapon To fight this world of ill intentions A new answer to the same question How many times will I learn the same lesson?…

In Retrospect

yahweh

This article is about the national god of the Iron Age kingdoms of Israel and Judah. For the modern Jewish conception of Yahweh, see God in Judaism and God in Abrahamic religions. For the name “YHWH” and its vocalization, see Tetragrammaton. For other uses, see Yahweh (disambiguation). Iron Age II (1000–586 BCE) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahweh Painting on a jar found at Kuntillet Ajrud,…

In Retrospect

cPTSD

Many who have cPTSD struggle in differentiating between what’s safe and secure, versus what’s familiar and comfortable. Trauma comes back as a Reaction, not a Memory. https://medium.com/invisible-illness/the-reasons-people-with-complex-ptsd-self-isolate-846266b52a6d “Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort.” – Bessel van der Kolk It’s “Safe”. The biggest A-ha! is that by staying isolated we feel safe.…

In Retrospect

music to my ears

Every day I’ve got a smile where my frown goes A couple bodies in the garden where the grass grows I take ’em with me to the grave in a suitcase Maybe I could be a different human in a new place Oh I just wanna feel something, tell me where to go ‘Cause everybody…

In Retrospect